The day i thought i wanna stop fighting.

But i realize it's such a waste to stop right here, right now when i've been through half of the tough journey. I'd be the stupid-est person in the world if i stop now. I swear for myself and my parents' sake, i won't stop.

I know Tuhan lebih mengetahui apa disebalik kesusahan yg aku alami sekarang. I sat alone in the bus ystrday, and reminiscing my past. Somehow i realize that past experience had made me like this. Yes, to be a tougher person, a different person i never thought i would be. Tuhan beri kesusahan, bukan semestinya Dia tk sayangkan ciptaan-Nya. Aku percaya satu hari nanti kesusahan yg ku alami sekarang akan berakhir dan kegembiraan itu akan dtg. Kesusahan dan ujian itu juga yg membuatkan aku lebih kuat. I believe everythng happen in life for reasons. I just need to be strong.

For myself and for those who nearly gving up, here a song for u.


Jangan Berhenti - Ruffedge

Sememangnya kita sering dilanda dengan pertanyaan
Bagaimana untuk maju ke hadapan
Jika kita asyik duduk dalam kegelapan

Sememangnya akan ada yang iri hati dengan kita
Cuba menjatuhkan oh dengan harapan
Agar kita tidak kan bertemu kejayaan

Pernah dulu ku rasakan hampir hilang semua
Bersaing dengan gelap kegagalan
Kecewa dan sedih jadi teman
Ku pasti inilah lumrah di dalam kehidupan
Menangis sebelum kita ke depan Tapi kini...

Chorus
Ku rasakan bagaikan sinar yang terang
Dari langit yang dipancarkan ke bumi
Jauh daripada rasa sepi
Perasaan, inginku berpijak lebih tinggi
Dan meneruskan perjuangan ini
Janganlah kita berhenti di sini

Sebenarnya diri kita mempunyai cita-cita,
Jika putus asa maka takkan rasa
Bagaimana terangnya hidup bila berjaya

Kalau kita asyik terus mendengar kata yang tak tulus
Harus kita ambil semua serius jika tidak
Masa depan kita kan terhapus

Pernah dulu ku rasakan hampir hilang semua
Bersaing dengan gelap kegagalan
Kecewa dan sedih jadi teman
Ku pasti inilah lumrah di dalam kehidupan
Menangis sebelum kita ke depan
Tapi kini...Masih ada ruang kita bergerak bebas
Mencari-cari apa yang telah hilang
Oh kita ada bersama hingga kini
Tetap sabar, terima kasih semua....


still, i believe.

love.

So What?

During Mq Nas Birthday Celebration, Hot in Hat Party.





Mq Ainor with her beloved Rx8.










Me with Mq Nas.


love.

Oh Wow Panjangnya !

How did you feel when u know someone has his/her eyes on u? or perhaps, spying on u? Mesti terasa bangga kan? Yelah, igt artis je ke ada gossip2 liar? Org biasa pn sure tk terlepas punya, kan? Kenapa berlakunya situation dengki-mendengki, benci-membenci dan terus akan ada adegan mengumpat dan bergossip? Kenapa ye?

Sometimes when i think about it, it's kinda funny. For me, mungkin mereka kurang diberi perhatian. Atau mungkin itu lifestyle mereka, just for fun, utk mencari dosa lebih? Or maybe, they're envious? Maybe it's not their fault when they're selfless. Sounds pathetic aren't they? Whatever the reason is, i don't bother what's on your mind. I mean, at all.

When i first received a comment from the anonymous regarding my entry in my blog, i was shocked and mad. Perasaan bercampur, smpai rasa nk menangis. heh.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Summary of May .":

true n true ur stupid. do you know what love means anyway ? u always let ur self cheated for like zillionss of guys..do they cheat ? or u syok sendiri jer? u should be smart enough to think n love your self. not give everything. everyone knows u slept with many guys.. obviously kan.. thats why i said.. u give everything.. without thinking.

Wow, like a god? Act like they know everything inside out of me. Hebat kan die ni? Sbb tu i was shocked masa first time baca. Bkn la bermaksud nk tunjuk who really i am, teruk ke bagus ke.. Tak. Actly bnyk lg i received frm the anonymous. Tk payah la paste kat sini kan. Tapi tkpe, mungkin she/he try to leave a good msg there. Tapi tk perlu la anonymous, cos if you want to talk sthng good and u sure u're right, u dont hv to be afraid to show who you really are. But the question is, are u?

I've learnt that bila org memberi nasihat, take what he/she said, without looking at siapa yg memberi teguran tu. Because if u really wanna be a someone, u need to listen more. So i did. For ages, i try to build my self-confidence, self-control and acceptance to others. It's not easy to change, but in life, we need to. Resistance, is normal. Like i told earlier, jgn kan artis, org biasa like me, tk terlepas dpd pandangan org lain, tk terlepas dpd menjadi bhn cemuhan, dibenci org, sume ada. Ah so sy ni one step ahead to be as popular as artist la kan? ngeh.

To the 'anonymous', 'ygmembencikau' and all haters out there, let me tell u sthng. Tk pernah terfikir kenapa Palestin hancur? Kenapa org melayu zaman sekarang susah nak maju? Ppl nowadays sibuk memboikot brg2 la, mencari kesalahan org ni la, benda tula. Tapi, masalah tk juga selesai. Why? There's no humanity. What? Humanity? Penting sgt ke? Well, for me, if there's no humanity in you, if you're not a big hearted person, perhaps, u are one of the ppl yg mungkin tak akan berjaya dlm hidup walaupun ada degree dpt 4 flats. I learn now that in life, we need to pay it forward, not to pay it back. When u help someone, dont expect them to pay it back, but take it as we pay it forward. :)

So, u can say anythng u want because words can't bring me down at all. Mungkin kamu tk punya big heart and strong humanity value to understand why manusia tk perlu membenci dan bertelagah sesama sendiri. Kerana itu punca manusia tk berjaya dlm kehidupan mereka. I hv my own reasons why i do this and that, which i don't need to tell the world to make them understand. Enough that i know that i did it all for myself, and my family. and enough that i know i don't take others money, i don't depends on anybody to survive in this life. and enough that i know eventhough i hv to lent others money to start sthng to change my life and not for own use, i know i will pay it back. Sy tk malu. I know what i'm doing. I do what i can. But how about u? What's the best thing u achieve in ur life? U know better.

Oh wow, mcm panjang plk entry kali ni. Sesi meluahkan perasaan ke? heh. Tk la sgt. Cuma tergerak hati nk tulis je. Well, it's all about how u take it. :) Wallahua'lam.

Have a good day alrite?



love.

Oh You Got Me Hypnotized.

Just another crush. :P hehe. enjoy.

Azan Ruffedge.




MQ Nasreeq.


The crowd.





Me & Da'am


Us with Celebrated MQ Ainor.





love.

Dream Big .

Listen
To the sound from deep within
It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind
You should have known -

Listen
To the song here in my heart
A melody I start
But I will complete -

Listen - Beyonce

love.

So long, Goodnight .

love.

A Day at Botanical Garden .

Ystrday, me and SYN colleagues went to Botanical Garden, Putrjaya for the team bonding. The exciting event started as early as 8.30 am until 5.00 pm. Lots of activites we done such as cycling along the lake, sandwich-making challenge, and doing blueprint. Bicycle can be rented, rm5/hour. Best kan? Punyela lama tk naik basikal, ha amik kau, berbasikal selama 1 jam. Tk sampai 30 min dh terasa lenguh2 peha dh. hehe. But overall, it was exciting and we had so much fun all the day long.


Before cycling.



Us !

When everybody's ready, 1 and 2... Meet Shahir the spoiler. haha.

Sandwich Making Challenge.

Hello Sand-witch !

Sedang concentrate. :P

Aizam dgn tarian poco-poco nye. haha. :P

D'Most Extravaganza Sand-Witch group.



Aktiviti sampingan itu penting. :P

Have a nice day everyone !

love.

Minat Tex-Mex food?

Have you heard about Fajitas before? Fajitas is one of the Tex-mex cuisine. Mostly influenced by Mexican foods. What i love about fajitas is, it's really a simple dish, easy to cook, dan mmg mengenyangkan. Fajitas usually served with flour or corn tortilla with grilled meat, vege or eggs inside. Ha, hari ni, i'm gonna share one of my favourite 'masakan-paling-malas-tapi-sedap'. hehe.


Egg Fajitas.

2 Egg
Button mushroom
black pepper course
2 slices of cheddar cheese
salad
2 slices of flour tortilla
mayonaise

Cara Memasak :
1. Pukul telur dan masukkan button mushroom yg dh dipotong, dan a pinch of black pepper course.

2. Heat the pan, and goreng telur until kekuningan.

3. Tortilla bole dipanaskan selama 30 secs in the microwave or atas pan yg bersih.

4. Place the egg in the tortilla, together with cheese and salad.

5. You can serve with sour cream or mayonaise, whatever you like. :P


Happy trying ! Good day everyone !


love.

A good start for 2009 !

Oh first of all, Happy New Year ! Yess, i hv a very good start for 2009. Why? I had a very bad flu since 31st Dec 2008, and it drag until today. I hate ! and today is the worst. My whole body ached, and fever. Great isn't it? Well actually, it was my fault. On 1st Jan 2009, my SYN colleague, Hafiq asked me to join them playing sport at Cyberjaya Community Center. I thought it was a good start for 2009. I was quite excited since dah lama berehat dpd bermain bdmnton. (ceh, mcm pemain berjaya je !). I had flu that time, yet still very energetic (faham-faham jela..) to join them. Since everyone planned to play futsal, i asked my friend Yana (used to be my partner for bdmnton double or in malay called, beregu game) to join me.

So we met at MMU library at 4pm and walked to the Community Center. We started to play at 5pm until 6pm. Surprisingly, selsema mcm tiba-tiba hilang masa bermain. But then after 15 minutes, tk tahula kenapa, i felt so dizzy and my eyes mcm steamm je. I started to felt the body aching. Damn, ni mesti sbb dh lama tk work out. huhu. Tu salah satu reason nye. Second thing, i didn't do proper warm-up before playing. And third was, i realize actually, i was forcing my body very hard during the game while my body is weak. Selain dpd itu, since i stop yoga stretching 3 months ago, i can feel the differences in my body strength especially on my stomach muscle. uhu. Whenever i did skipping or any sports je, sakit-sakit badan. Haihh. I know why, there's no continuous exercise in my routine. :(

So, another resolution for 2009. I need to change (the same one as 2008. huhu). Start my work out every morning and eat hearty breakfast. Simple. But need a strong courage to have it continuously. Ok, i need to stop writing now. My body ached dh makin menjadi-jadi plk rasanya.

My last words: keep ur words, and make it happen. There's no easy way to change, but the sweetest thng will only come for those who never gving up.


love.

Quotes of the Day .

"If you can success in overnight, the world would be unfair."

"Every drops of your tears, is a beginning of your laughter."

Steven

love.

Hye 2009, goodbye 2008 .

2009 is getting closer. Just another 241 hrs to go to complete my mission that i commit early month ago. Ah cuaknya ! But i believe that i can complete it by Jan 2009. Impossible is Nothing (pinjam tagline Adidas sbg perangsang. hehe.) I realize that sekarang ni aku suka berckp bersendirian. Either to motivate or to calm myself. weirdo. Td lps mkn, i stood in front of my aquarium and said, "ikan, kau pn tlg doakan utk aku skali ye. Kalau aku berjaya, aku akan beli aquarium lg besar utk kau." Ntahlah knapa aku ckp mcm tu. Tapi aku percaya doa ikan utk aku pn bole dimakbulkan. I'll do my best.

Anyway, as 2009 pn dah dekat, i did some wishlist and azam baru to give me more energy to work on a new book.

• Buy new formal suit. I need one.
• Qualify myself to IME Macau.
• Bring mama & ayah umrah. (April/May 2009)
• To be cmq by April 2009.
• Travel to Boracay Island. (May 2009)
• Visit NZ, Angah's Graduation Day. (Dec 2009)

Have lots more to list. But those above are some of the highlights. I wish 2009 will lead me to better living and bring me more happiness to me and my family. Oh not to forget, sy harap sy dpt special BF pd June 2009. LOL. Aminnn ~ (hee. :P)

love.

A Walk To Remember .

Today i realize that life can be STRANGE .
They have good and bad in so many ways.


Today i know life is BEAUTIFUL .
I'm glad that at least i could playback the memories with someone i miss for long time.


And today i will say life is UNCONDITIONAL .
i know that life is kind and they gv you chance to rewrite your journey tape as long as you believe.


Sometimes i thought life is cruel and unfair. Aways murmured why ppl's like this and that. I was arrogant. So arrogant until i nearly lost a friend who was beside me all the time. But well, everythng happen for reasons. Like i said, life is love which unconditional. They gv you sthng without any limits. Whether good or bad, there's always reasons behind that.

Today, i'm glad that my friendship between me and Syaz is back to normal. :) Yes, after 2 tahun kami senyap membawa diri masing-masing. I realize after what we had before is just a short pause for me to learn my mistakes. We actually complement each other. It's just me yang extra ego. hehe. After all, i wouldn't let myself losing my precious thing again.







love.

Undiscovered .

When my head is strong, but my heart is weak
I'm full of arrogance and uncertainty
But I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak
You make it real for me

And I
I'm running to you baby
Cause you are the only one who saved me
That's why I've been missing you lately
Cause you make it real for me

You Make It Real - James Marrison

love.

In Love !

with Robert Pattinson a.k.a Edward Cullen in Twilight (2008) .

He is absolutely admirable. hot. sexy. haha. I i know it's lame. But look at his eyes, just say it all.

*eheh, cakap macam kenal dan pernah berjumpa je. haha ignore me for seconds for this !* :P

love.

Annual Dinner 2008 .

On 6th December, me and my family had a splendid annual dinner at Gen Restaurant, The Legend Hotel as usual. Great foods, happy moments, large spaces, and lots of gifts ~ Oh the greatest thing was this time, we had a room for 8 pax. It's really a huge room, with nice view. We had Japanese Buffet and for me it's worth for money eating here instead of eating at Sushi King. It's only available on Thursday until Sunday and it's for Rm69.00 per pax. Seriously for japanese food lover, you should try this as the food range is really good. From various sushi, sashimi to soba, tempura, and desserts. Oh you name it ! Sume adaa. :P

I've been waiting for so long. hehe. For this year, i received Issey Miyake perfume and Sembonia high heels from mama and ayah, A set of perfume from Elizabeth Arden from K.ngah, a Puma bagpack from K.lang, and a pair of flat shoes from adik. Thanks guys. It was really a special night.

from our room.

love.