When can i see you again ?

After all the silence, I shall say hello 2010 to my blog. I've been bz with stuffs and been stop writing since last December. Life seems too good and I forget about the thing I used to do almost everyday, blogging.

I come across to someone's status in fb today, he stated, "Kasih Sayang ni milik Allah.. kita hanya menjaganya, Yg menentukan Hanya Allah.. AllahuRahmanuRRAhim.. Allah Yang Membalik balikkan hati manusia."

and I paused. Hanya Tuhan yang mampu membuka dan menutup hati seseorang. Sometimes kita terlalu leka. We often think about where did we go wrong when something bad happen to a relationship. And worst, we blame others when it happens. and I unfortunately tak terlepas dpd berfikiran begitu. I often asked myself where am I go wrong when I don't get like how I wanted, what more I can do to have it, etc. Tapi tanpa kita sedar, without keizinan-Nya for that to happen, it won't happen even how hard we tried.

*sigh*

Our intention or niat. Mungkin jika memperbetulkan niat, Tuhan akan mengizinkan. Everything's start with good intentions; to do something, to love someone, to achieve your goals, just everything.

When I lose faith to something, I learn now that to always look back to my intentions. Why did I decide to this and that, why did I choose him, or love him and etc. And I believe, God hv a better plan for us. Life goes on. Maybe one day my time will come. I just need to hold strong.

It's just a matter of time I'm sure,
It takes time and I will hold on.

"Ya Allah, kau tabahkanlah hatiku, berikan aku kekuatan, dan iman yang teguh. Aku insan yang terlalu lemah, lindungilah aku daripada godaan syaitan. Kau Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang, murahkan rezeki ku, berkatilah segala nikmat dan kebahagiaan yang telah Kau kurniakan kpd ku. Kau Maha Mengetahui segala isi hati ku dan kepadaMu aku berserah. "

It's Raining .

but i can turn your gray sky bluer .

and i can make your smile even brighter.

till the day when you will care.

till the day i will get you there.

you challange me for the better.
through the good, and the bad, the ups and the downs.
i will always be here.
to be your secret admirer.

love.

Whenever You Call .

by Mariah Carey ft Brian McKnight

I won't ever be too
Far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call.

You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I have inside.

my favourite song. :)

love.

Running, running .

Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up

Running, running
As fast as we can(As fast as we can)
Do you think we'll make it? (Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
So we don't get separated

Running - No Doubt

love,

Enough is just not Enough .

Dear Diary,

Sometimes i just have to forget how i feel,
I just need to pretend everything is okay,
and remember what i deserve,
more than empty words and promises.

But hell pretending is just ain't my style,
Gotta take the risk and play it right,
Better say it now or never,
Take a chance and maybe we can be together.

Scared, i'm just scared to show i care,
Life can be cruel, feeling kinda strange,
Will he think me weak,
if i shiver when i speak.

Do i look like a fool,
if i don't play by the rule?
Maybe it's just not the right time.
But trust me, you've steal into my mind.


i act, i hide. Can i lie?

love.

12 AM .

Dear diary,

Why there are times i can't long enough to keep my patient?
Are you really here, or am i just dreaming?
I am falling slowly,
Can't you see?
Can you feel the pieces of my melody?
I can hardly say the right words anymore,
And it always fool me.
I wonder if i could replace that tiny heart you've been missing,
I wonder if i could be the future you always wanted,
For you're everything to me.

or
Maybe, i am just dreaming.

Zawani Zakaria


You truely exist, the. green. stripes. book.

love.

When a Girl Loves a Guy .

I am so proud of myself when i finally had a great deal in selling the camera today. Dpt la untung sket. hee. And to celebrate it *ceh celebrate la sgt*, i went for a movie with Azfar and we watched Ice Age 3. Man, Ice Age 3 was awesome. Funny, comel gle ! In the middle of the movie, i realize i laughed too loud mengalahkan kanak2 yg ada kt dlm cinema. lol. Over-excited eh? :P But seriously, Ice Age is a hilarious fun movie u shouldn't miss. :D

Err apa kena mengena ngan title entry? :P It's just a brief what i love most about today. hee. :)


Well, i was 'cooking' maggie when i heard one of my housemate cried in the other room tonite. I thought she was talking to somebody and crying or sthng. But it's getting worse and i sneak out her room to see if she's ok. Obviously she didn't. She didn't get over her past relationship totally. I talked to her for a minutes, tried to make her feel good again, but i know it's all depends on her to make thngs better.

Yes, it's about when a girl love a guy. It's about healing the break-up. It's about when we couldn't make up, and moving on when the good thngs in the past shadowed everything. Sucks rite? Trust me, i know how it feels.

When i'm done talking to her, i sat outside and reminiscing. Somehow her story reminds me of my past. I've been through that situation. I've been burned a lot, hurt a lot. I've been through the state i nearly killed myself when i love a guy too much. The day when i couldn't stand on my own feet, when i couldn't moving on with my life.

I let myself living in despair, in guilty and blamed myself for everything had done between the relationship. Love is blind. No? My heart was blinded by the love. You'll keep all the good memories, and you left all the fights and arguments behind when you're in healing process. You'll try to fix thngs which already broken. It makes you weak, it makes you feel like there's no one can replaced him anymore.

But trust me, it's all worth the pain. Sun will shine after the rain. :)

Alhamdulillah.. Today, i am glad to be who i am.
Every single thngs happen in my life build me to be a tougher person. Time by time i learn to face the real world. It taught me to see life in many side, in different colors. It's not easy, but it's worth 1000 times.

Well girl, all you need to do is to learn to love yourself more. To appreciate yourself, and believe that you could stand by your own feet no matter what happen. If it's not you, then who? Your life, your future, your everythng is all depends on you. Not him, no one. It's just YOU. Take a very good care of your own heart. Build strong faith in you. You're sure you can survive it. :)


Tiba-tiba rasa lega. Ntah? *senyum*



love.

Letter of a Heart .

Walking down the street alone,
So cold, i didn't know if i can go through on my own.
The skies seems so clear,
But how come my heart full of tears.

Did i let the love slip away?
Tell me if telling goodbye is such an easy way.
At times it heals,
But how come i feel like i lost everything.

I smile, i laugh.
I can't speak out like i did.
I fake, i lied,
Can you hear me crying?

Who doesn't look for someone to hold,
Who can love you without being told?
They keep going, and coming,
But i know something is missing.

Zawani Zakaria

I may looks so strong to hold, but deep down inside, i'm only human.
A feeling you just can't resist sometimes.
Sepahit apa pun ini, kehidupan pasti harus diteruskan.
Semoga diberi kekuatan.
Semoga mampu kulawan kesepian.
Semoga suatu hati nanti, akan datang ketenangan.
Yang abadi.

love.

Be Me . Be You .

"You must see yourself happy if happiness is the state you are seeking."


This is what i often do when i *ehem* when i feel unstable, or feeling down. :) hehe. Get a book, write a rhythm or poem, listen to my playlist, or hv a walk alone. But most of the time, i'll spend time with any interesting books and my playlist. It work on me somehow. Ah tp reality is, knowledge can be useless without we apply it in a real world. Like what i read in Yoga Of Wealth which stated,

"You can hv perfect awareness and strong self-belief, but if you still cannot bring yourself to act when your chances comes, you will never move forward in your life. Stagnate in all of your knowledge."

It's true. I am one of it who always miss a chance when the right time comes. Sometimes we tend to think too much, act less. Speak more, progression zero. Typical isn't it? I must improve. Aniz, sila beri konsentrasi. Sila back on tracks. Tolong fokus. *breath in, breath out* Okeh ! Sy mau tido dulu. lol. Tmrw is a new day. I hope everythng's gonna be fine and better.

Oh i shall share with you this. Life is complete when you complete it, when you find that 'thing' to complete it. Mcm comel kan ayat tu? hehe. And what is that 'thing'? You need to find it. :) Ah my pillow is missing me. :P Good Night everyone !


love.

Detik Demi Detik .

Ah aku sebenarnya bagai melindungi perasaan sendiri. It keep screaming inside, bagai menjerit-jerit utk diluahkan .. But i can't. i just can't. Belum ada daya, masih terikat dgn bayang-bayang sendiri. Bodoh. Takut? Memberi motivasi kpd org lain, tapi kau sebenarnya masih lemah. Ya aku masih lemah. Namun mungkin, jauh lebih baik daripada apa yang aku sangka. Terima kasih Tuhan, kau masih memberi peluang padaku.

Jika ditanya, apa yang paling aku impikan dulu. ialah mati. Aku hanya ingin mati daripada terus hidup dgn dosa. Daripada terus membebani ibubapaku dgn karung dosa-dosaku. Aku lemah. Terlalu lemah.

Namun Tuhan Maha Penyayang. Ini adalah hadiah paling besar utk ku. Aku fikir, aku tak akan dpt kesempatan utk merasa dunia ini dgn lebih tenang, dgn lebih merasa seperti manusia. Aku silap. Tuhan itu lebih bijak mengaturkan jalan hidup hamba-hambanya. Lebih mengetahui di sebalik sesuatu kejadian. Mungkin kadang kita memberontak. Why this is all happen to me. Why me. Kenapa bkn mereka? Kenapa jalan hidup mereka seems all perfect. Tipu lah jika aku kata aku tak pernah memberontak. Aku sebenarnya dalam proses utk belajar utk menjadi lebih tenang. Lebih berfikir sblm bercakap. Lebih rasional, dan bkn hanya mengikut perasaan.

Aku perlukan kekuatan skrng. I need to find a way to get myself stable. Kadang aku lemas dgn perasaan sendiri. Again, bodoh. Sudahlah dgn perasaan bodoh tu. You have something more important to settle. Without perasaan bodoh tu, you gonna be fine. Really fine. You do not need it for this time being. *repeat again and again. sigh*

Ahhhh shit. I hate this feeling. Aku perlukan konsentrasi dlm hidup. Priority. Set you priority girl.

Maaf, otakku bagai berselirat. Mcm hape je. I need some air outside. Mungkin dpt membantu.

P/s :
Kpd kau, tentang tadi, jgn terlalu mempersoalkan tentang hidup, kerana makin bnyk persoalan, makin kaku kau disitu. Tak kemana. Seperti aku dahulu. Kau hebat. Kesabaran kau, mungkin membatasi kesabaran aku. Kau lebih tenang. Cuma we need to admit that sometimes, life's selfish. and we need to adapt with that. So just smile, and i know you can get through it. Remember, life's kind when you believe. :)


love.

Heart Sick .

This is how i felt when i found out my pictures in CF card is corrupted . Ergh !Shheeesshh !
%^&*^#$@#@ ! :((








AaaaAAaaaa ! *speechless*

One Fine Day .

3AM and i'm still awake. With my tiring mind and exhausted body, i dont think i can continue the editing. Siap tersengguk2 dpn pc. aihh. I need longgg sleep, can i? Next week the new semester will start, and rasa mcm tk bersedia lg je utk start my new lesson, and to start doing my fyp. aAa FYP ! isk isk. I hope i can cope with it well. Really, i can't wait to finish my stdy ! Uhu. *luahan hati* :P

Ah anyway,

Here a picture from Terengganu. :) I haven't finish transferring and process all pictures yet. So look up for more pictures later. :)



. cause You & I both love .

Off to bed ~ Chow ! Good Night !

love.

Tick Tock Tick Tock .

And i'm 23 yrs old !




Dear diary,
i supposed to write this entry on my birthday, 1st June. Tp tk smpat kerana too many thngs need to settle. So today, i'm proud to announce that i'm officially 23 yrs old ! hehe. What's so special about 23? Em, nothing much. It meant alot because masa umur mak sy 23 lah dia kahwin dan sy dilahirkan pada tahun berikutnya. hee, tibe2 je. *My mom specially emphasize about this when she called me to wish happy birthday* Motif? Lol, i don't knw. But yes, i have a lot of planning for this yr on my 23rd, and for the next yrs ahead. My career, personal life, car, house. Marriage? Err, tgu dulu la eh mama? hehe. It's a long journey to go, and yet, i know right now i am not daydreaming. Not anymore. I'll make it happen, i'll make it true. I know life is not perfect, always ups and downs. But i believe, life's kind. When you're down, it's a one step closer to your dream. Just never give in. I just pray to God, to bless me with the greater strength, and with a clearer heart for me to achieve my dream and better life. I'll try to fix my bad temper, my harsh words semasa berckp, and some other bad attitude in me. I know i swear a lot sometimes. Oh and my clumsiness too. ish ish. So, wish me luck ! ngee. :P

Special thanks to Mama and Ayah yang bnyk bersabar dgn kerenah anak pertama nya. haha.
Thank you to Angah, Alang and Adik for all the stupid-est, fun, and mcm2 moment bersama.
Thank you to Rafiq, for guiding me alot in photography. Thnk you sifu !
Thank you to Azfar, for being my driver. haha joke. but you help me alot. :) *TGI Friday next week ok ! hee.*
Thank you to Bee and K.ina for the funn moment together.
Thank you to Qase, sbb bnyk teman sy ketika sy down. *Ye, igt tk moment di tepi swimming pool? hehehe. ;P *
Thank you to Aizam, kerana kau bnyk ubah aku walaupun kau agak harsh. :P
Thanks to Fairuz, without your kindness, i don't knw where i gonna turn to. :)
And thank you to everyone, and all my other frnds.


I wish for the best. Regards.




love.

Random-nessss .

love.

Life's like playing card? No?

From my previous entry, 'aw Pokka again?' .

"i wish a balanced life, love and laugh. no one wish to be sadder. the happiest moment in one's life is to love and being loved by someone else. give us the courage to move on, to live this life no matter how hard it is. who's perfect? expect me to be one? forever i won't be, cause nobody does. everyone made mistakes, so do i. and so do you. but mistakes will always be a mistake if you do not try to improve it, if you don't try to change it for good. it's hard, i know. but it's for ourself, for our own happiness. i believe that life's perfect when happiness is there, no matter what you do. believe in ourself."


***********

and it makes me smile. Yes believe. :)

Why i love blogging? Personally, blogging could be your best friend, your best diary, when you can write anythng, your personal point of view, your review, your poem, put your pictures, ah pendek kate sume bole ltk. Mungkin org kate, mcm nk overexposed diri sendiri je? actly tidak. It's not to overexposed oneself. It's actly teach us to value every single thng that happen in our life. To appreciate ourself more. Believe it or not, when it comes to certain period of time, you will realize how blogging can be meaningful. You will smile, when you read your old posts and your entry can be your reminder how special you are when you're down. When you thnk life's unfair, you're wrong because life's being totally fair to you. Everythng happen for reason. It might take some times to reveal the reason why it happens. It doesn't matter because yang paling penting, we appreciate every single thng in our life. That's why we called life's a journey. By blogging, i express myself into my own words, into my own rhythm. Like how i like it. :) So no offense. I hope. hee.



Reminder to Myself : Hello, ur exm is on 20th ok? tk sedar lg? gahh, sy cuak kerana sy begitu rilex. :( chaiyokk ! FOCUSSS !

ok chow. i'm wasting too much time. haha.


love.

I Remember .

When I almost left out, when i almost gave up,

I remember,
Your hope .
Your love .
Your wish .
Your tenderness .
Because you're the first on my mind. Mom & Dad

I'll remember,
your dream Merc kompressor,
your dream vacation to Mecca,
your dream house,
my EOS 50D,
my dream Audi,
my dream condo,
my mission,
and most importantly,
to support you, my love one.

I'll make it real,
It's a long journey,
It's not easy,
and i am on my way,
I'm gonna be right there.

Zawani Zakaria

love.

A Little Bit of Something .

I pray for patience.

I pray for strength.

Because without You, i can't go far. dan saya rasa agak weak and i can't focus like i did, like 2 months before. and I beg you God, give me chance to finish what i've started, to finish it well, and to be someone my parents and everyone can be proud of.


love.

Melawan Kesepian .

1.21PM, still awake.
I couldn't sleep. Maybe i took too much caffeine today.

Dear Diary,
While slipped through my old entries, reminiscing through over the past yrs of my life,
i realize there're so many 'spontaneous' incidents happen in between.
April 2008, will not be the same as April 2009.
Yes, there will be no accidents in life. Good or bad, there're always be a reason.
It happen so fast, you just can't stop.
I'd become what i can't be.
I wished for something worthless.
I leaned on someone feckless.
But one thing right now,
Relationship, friendship, happiness and sorrow, it's just .. priceless.
Ups and downs, complete me to be a better man.
I was burned, but it's just another lesson learned.
Laughter and tears, always be my best meditation.
For the better or worst,
I'll never stop moving.
I'll never stop walking, till the end of my life.

Zawani Zakaria

***********

Listening to : Melawan Kesepian

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti
Air mata tertahan
Waktu untuk dijatuhkan

Nanti kita kan tahu
Betapa bijaknya hidup
Sepahit apapun ini
Pelajaran yang berarti

Semoga kepergianmu
Tak akan merubah apa pun
Semoga mampu ku lawan
Kesepianku .

Apapun yang terjadi
Berjalanlah tanpa henti ..


love.

When I Lost My Little Brain ..

Grateful. Yep, that's all i can say. Relieved. Happy. Hm semua la perasaan yg bagus2 tu.. :)
Last week, i felt like something is shadowing my mind. Something yg membuatkan aku rasa tk best, resah, and restless. I don't know what and why and i can't find the solution. It's like something unsettled.

But i feel relieved after talking to kak Ainor last night. I finally found out what's my problem. My real problem. A stupid problem. I'm thinking and concentrating too much of the thing i didn't want. How good is that? I am attracting bad things as much as i want the good things which result me zero progression. Duhh. Silly lily.

Honestly and surprisingly (for those who know me well, maybe it's not. ahaha), i rarely can/will think rasional when i hv emosional problem. Yeaaaa i know it's baddddd !
I just can't help it. Paling bagus, akan mengambil masa satu jam hingga dua jam utk kembali normal dan kembali rasional utk memikirkan penyelesaian masalah. Paling teruk, mengambil masa sebulan utk kembali ok dan hmm, agak terlambat utk menyelesaikan masalah. Teruk kan?

I'm trying my very best to improve. And i think, i am improving. ngee. :P Sometimes i need to seat alone, hear my playlist, menconteng2, menulis poem (kononnye) utk kembali rilex. Aizam kate, poyo je aku ni. lol. But well, that's me. We need to find a way to put away our stress. Cewah. Hehe.


Antara contengan-contengan membina diri sendiri. ahaha. aih lame nye sy. -_-'

love.

Jika Mungkin .

Awan, something is bothering me now. Aku mcm tk percaya apa yg k.ngah cakap tadi. He only have a certain period of time to live? Are you joking? No no. It can't be ...... terdiam.


Awan, betul ke? Ya Tuhan, tapi kenapa begitu cepat? Aku masih belum berjaya. Aku masih belum sempat memberikan dia kegembiraan, membalas segala jasanya. Kenapa begitu cepat...? Aku masih belum bersedia ...


Ya Tuhan, jika betul apa yg diberitahu oleh manusia itu. Aku masih tidak percaya. Ya, tidak. Aku percaya hidup dan mati itu, di tangan Kau, satu-satu nya Penguasa Alam. Berikanlah sedikit lagi masa, untuk aku membalas segala jasanya. Berikanlah aku sedikit lagi masa untuk aku menyayangi dia. Tuhan, aku merayu. Aku masih memerlukan dia. Jika mungkin, selama aku hidup. Jika mungkin, biarlah aku pergi sebelum dia. Tuhan, Kau lebih mengetahui segala-galanya. Berikanlah sedikit masa lagi.

......

love.